Straight Talk - V9

I Bought Her a Wedding Ring with Soda Money

By The People's Chemist

I met my wife 25 years ago. I was a senior taking Psychology 101 at Fort Lewis College. I had failed it as a freshman because I failed to show up. LOL

Good thing, too. At first sight, I knew Lea-Ann was “the one.” She looked at the world with ambition and positivity. I looked at it with ambition and rage.

Twin flames.


We planned our wedding. But, there was a problem.


I had no money for a ring.


Being in my first year of graduate school, I only made $1,000 per month teaching Organic Chemistry.


My biggest vice was Mountain Dew.

I Bought Her a Wedding with Soda Money

I thought about it...My habit cost me $4 a day. Working 16-hour days, 7 days a week, the sticky, verdant goo was my fuel. But, if I quit for a year, I’d have the $1500 extra I needed for a ring.


I quit the soda.


Symptoms of withdrawal set in. Headaches. Dizziness. Fatigue. Itchy skin. Unquenchable thirst. Shaky hands. My eyes burned, as if on fire. Everything started hurting. (I was 22 years old.)


If I could’ve mainlined Satan’s Syrup into my young veins, I would have. Twice. Even if I had no needles, I would have licked it off the gym floor. But, I needed a f@#ckin’ diamond ring!

When fevers kicked in, that’s when I started asking questions.


“What the f#uck is going on here!? It shouldn’t be this hard to quit soda.”

While at the college library, late one night, I dug for answers.


Mountain Dew is more than soda. It’s more than sugar. It’s a drug—and it’s designed to be.

All soda comes from a cauldron of cane sugar and chemicals cooked up in an addictive, soupy mix designed to nourish addiction.

All soda comes from a cauldron of cane sugar and chemicals cooked up in an addictive, soupy mix designed to nourish addiction.

In the early days, 7-Up contained lithium citrate. Coca-Cola used cocaine, despite their denial. Today’s soda products are chock full of dozens of spiteful, evil, soul-stealing chemicals that plunge deep into the pleasure centers of your brain to carve out a lifetime of dependence.

Fortunately, I was more in love with my girl than the corporate “witch’s brew”-in-a-green-can.

When I finally bought her that ring, I knew it would be for life. That’s because after we met, I could always look back on that moment in time—the only one—where I felt, “OOOOHHHHH, this is what I came here for!” It wasn’t the details of where we met or what we were wearing, but how it made me feel.


This feeling carried me through the Mountain Dew withdrawals. And when I finally had Lea-Ann’s diamond, I hightailed it north from Arizona to Colorado to give it to her.


Everything went wrong on the trip. The serpentine belt broke on my Jeep. (I fixed it.) Halfway through my drive, I ran into a snowstorm on the mountain. State patrol turned everyone back. The mountain pass was too slick and too deep in snow.  I shifted into 4-Wheel drive, slammed the pedal down and swerved passed the blockade. The next two hours were slow and cautious. Nothing was getting in my way of delivering this f@#ckin ring.

…And that’s how it’s been ever since.

Marriages aren’t built on time or obligations, they’re built on feelings. That’s why sugar, meds, drugs, alcohol, and drug-like foods and beverages that don’t belong in our body disrupt relationships. The more chemicals, the more broken the family.

That’s also why nothing will stop me from delivering the best plant-based medicine Mother Nature has to offer, 24/7.

For more than two decades, we’ve lived our lives with nothing but natural medicine. We’ve had four kids born at home—none of them have been to a doctor’s office. We don’t carry health insurance. (Because our lifestyle IS our health insurance.) And nobody has had a single jab.


We made the sacrifices because we wanted true health.

When we celebrate our 24th anniversary, we’re also celebrating natural medicine and the joy it’s brought our family and yours over the decades. Adding to that, we also celebrate the many healthy alternatives to soda such as Zevia (TM), Yerba mate tea, and homemade lemonade sweetened with honey.

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